hiIMangry’s blog

this weeks lecture and tute has been rather disheartening.... to learn that there is no soul really does not differ the human race from any other living creature... a plant, an insect or even an inanimate object like a chair... it really makes it seem like the materialists and idealists are the bad guys and the dualists the less wiser underdogs. but all is fair in love and war.... there is nothing sinister about reality just the way things are... however if our bodies are just carriers of a bunch of organs and a pulsating brain then what is the purpose of life? why do beings such as animals and plants reproduce? i kinda relate this to nietzche's will to power...  is our existence then just to prove our mastery and then wither away or perhaps reproduce and have a genetic competition

I did postmodernist views of love for my assignment for philosophy class and I learned that there is so much more to love that meets the eye. Sure there is different kinds of love but let us take a closer look at seduction. About now you probably recognize the term Geisha or art person  so come to think of it, the seductive value of an art person would vary from person to person but because of the modern media instigating aesthetic ideals into our heads what people can and are appreciate have now changed and how much longer can seduction survive as there are a billion other fishes in the sea... that is in fact a fact, but to narrow things down and seduce someone, there has to be some sort of duality an attraction and an opportunity to attract. for one must be placed in a situation where the "beauty" of one can be flaunted then again beauty is subjective unless based on media ideal, then beauty would be narrowed down to perfection, which is of course a rarity. Eros lovers are slowly becoming Pragma lovers because eventually beauty which is being sought can no longer be sufficed as the media standards begin to escalate. So,  I want to be a Dionysian Geisha, but the standards of the world are so harsh.... what purpose is there in trying for every inch of oneself has to exude a grace. There is appeal in skill and talent but the effortless beauty is one that sells a painting, if not an "art person". beauty is such a pain and many aspire to achieve perfection unaware that everyone is beautiful and everyone is ugly omnipresently, the subjuct is subjective. what is found to be attractive and repulsive is generally an idea, a simulcra to cover what reality is. say for example, a classic beauty, erm... Nicole Kidman, how graceful she appears to be on the screen and how beautiful, has anyone ever thought about the faces she makes when she is taking a poo? or scratching her ass? I would like to someday witness someone pooing gracefully.
when we are seduced, what pops into our heads is this immediate sense of idealism. the "love" is seens as a mysterious being that is perfect as of that moment. should there be a relationship that carries on beyond that moment, you witness the ugly side of that ideal, such as morning face or farting. and then you also witness the naked body and reach climax with that person.... so basically.... that mystery is solved... this so called art, is human after all. then the seductive powers of the relationship declines.... how then can an eros ever find love? simple i guess... a box of kleenex and the internet. 

I'm currently living by me own and in a student hostel the reason why i'm blogging on such odd hours (it's 11 35 here) is because i was awoken by this mother of an indian hostel mate watching some bollywood high school musical. living in a multiracial environment has opened my eyes in more than one way *comedic clang of drums*. though i would love to attribute these nerve strumming attribute to his race i thought about how racism is formed. for some time i've been thinking that there are some smart and friendly caucasians here in aussie and then there is the occasional pathetic sidewalk begger asking for money and trying to con little ol' me. not only the caucasians there are the asians, the hispanics, not many blacks here but some of those too, all of which are made up of some good and some annoying mother fuckers. one of the reason why racism is form is that when a bad citizen acts like an idiot a person like me for example will pick on that bad attribute and quickly distinguish the differences between the two of us. its kinda like an egoistical thing where every race or individual would strive to be the alpha race/person. it can also be form through misunderstandings such as cultural differences, like for example two days back i was placing my hand in between the elevator doors to hold it open for the ppl walking out and this white guys comes saying "you should let us out first" and i'm thinking.... "you liddle fuggar!" but this is because malaysian elevators detect the presence of a person under physical contact i was only trying to be gentlemanly.... but apparently the elevators here have sensors so you dont have to hold them.... so..... that only made me chinkish.. sigh... for more news just go watch Crash ok bai

I'm currently living by me own and in a student hostel the reason why i'm blogging on such odd hours (it's 11 35 here) is because i was awoken by this mother of an indian hostel mate watching some bollywood high school musical. living in a multiracial environment has opened my eyes in more than one way *comedic clang of drums*. though i would love to attribute these nerve strumming attribute to his race i thought about how racism is formed. for some time i've been thinking that there are some smart and friendly caucasians here in aussie and then there is the occasional pathetic sidewalk begger asking for money and trying to con little ol' me. not only the caucasians there are the asians, the hispanics, not many blacks here but some of those too, all of which are made up of some good and some annoying mother fuckers. one of the reason why racism is form is that when a bad citizen acts like an idiot a person like me for example will pick on that bad attribute and quickly distinguish the differences between the two of us. its kinda like an egoistical thing where every race or individual would strive to be the alpha race/person. it can also be form through misunderstandings such as cultural differences, like for example two days back i was placing my hand in between the elevator doors to hold it open for the ppl walking out and this white guys comes saying "you should let us out first" and i'm thinking.... "you liddle fuggar!" but this is because malaysian elevators detect the presence of a person under physical contact i was only trying to be gentlemanly.... but apparently the elevators here have sensors so you dont have to hold them.... so..... that only made me chinkish.. sigh... for more news just go watch Crash ok bai

So anyway... the trip to Singapore was a blooming success. I thought that the post would be more interesting you know... with ongoing drama and getting robbed. But I found my good friend GG's number on my inactive phone. So there you have it... easy peasy. I got to live at TT's absolutely fabulous residence and then went to Kylie's concerto. I don't have many pics because I had no pockets on my attire but the experience was really memorable considering that I spent under 100 SG dollars and even had enough to go shopping.

During the entire time span I continually contemplate in my head the importance of friends. recently i have been comping across a variation of social interaction both good and bad. and as far fetched as it seems, i've always been considerably independent. but who can really say that they are? when we interact with an employer, are you not acquaintances then? so technically there has to be a certain about of sociability for a person to be successful. but let's take this out of work, with the proper mindset, a person could live alone and still be happy. so why are people so reliant on friends? a good example would be my trip to sg, if it wasn't for GG and TT i would very well be living on the streets but lousy examples like X from the previous post, all those kind of people do is act as parasites. i relate this to the animal kingdom, some animals have parasites who fully benefit from their hosts and in return cause illnesses. then there are the ones that give and take (i forgot what those are called). i found it funny how some hosts do not react to their parasites until the harm has become too dire and ultimately leads to the death of the host. so the way i see it, some people are born to be parasites, whenever a host is too desperate for company, that host will accommodate the needs of the parasite. i came up with a simple yes/no questionnaire that will reveal what friends are parasites and what friends are not.

does the other party give a damn about you?
is there a purpose or prospective in the relationship?
does the other party's issues somehow become yours?
do you actually make sacrifices and in return get rewarded?
are you a contingency plan?

although these questions should be thought about over a period of time, pattens become quite obvious at some point. i believe there are so many levels as to how close and apart friends can be. and an important lesson i've learned is to truly appreciate good friends and not entirely avoid jerks, but keep the relationship on a shallow level. because at the end of the day, no one would want to refer to themselves as parasites and most aren't even aware of their ruthless traits. this evaluation may seem a little selfish and hypocritical, but a good person would naturally know the importance of giving back.

Some people are so oblivious to their own attitudes. personally i am a firm believer of the ability for people to change eventually which is why i try to tolerate, but it seems that regardless of time, if there is no wake up call, some remain blissfully unaware of how repulsive they are. say for example an adult who blames a 20 year old such as myself to behave like a child?? how admirable and furthermore continuously seeking advice and assistance about rocky relationship situations?? i am only bound to be tired of another's doomed relationship. and for that person to admit that he is not being himself while with his partner. i believe i speak for many as i mention that judgmental hypocrites abound. say for example, you see a friend acting so prim and pleasant infront of someone else and behind closed doors asks like a total ape. i must admit that i haven't been pleasant company, but i find it really difficult to suck up to someone who does not deserve my attention. all i can say is goodbye and good luck you failing fuck

Hello friends, if you are so fortunate to come across this post then lucky you(s). the last few days were really unfortunate for me lor and it doesn't end there either. here's what happened, my laptop was busted by a leak from my air conditioner and so bye bye baby lenny. and then i discovered that i gained like 5 pounds!!! so fine lar... i let it slide and then todae... it turns out i had left my cell phone at the office. and as unimportant as it may seem... that phone contains all the contacts that i have in singapore including the address of the location where i'm supposed to stay while abroad lor... but my office only opens around 9am and my bus takes off at 8 am!!! how ler??? i have no contacts, no idea on where i am supposed to stay and a fat ass. but despite these issues i have decided to brave the storm... i mean i am feeling rather adventurous after watching quantum of solace. i shall be called james blonde. here is my iteniary my wallet, a camera, a bunch of cookies, a pair of jeans, 2 shirts, 3 undies, toothbrush and paste, ipod, pen and paper, shoes and socks, facial wash, sun protection and sunnies. as well as my pport, name card and some munnies. i really do not know how things are going to go... i might have a blast, i might miss kylie, i might get lost and end up sleeping on the streets. but a wise man one said "i have my wits, what do i fear?".

strangely i have been feeling very calm lately... despite all that had happened to me, i really didn't seem to care. have i lost it? or have i reached Zenness? whatever it is... i shalt keep thou posted. it's only 2 days and i've got my lucky boxers on.... LET"S GO BICHES

The world is so full of narcissistic fuckers nowadays, my sister came to me today asking for photos I took of her and showed me some she took of herself, and then it hit me, very well pissed me off too.... why is she being so full of herself? She had recently started dating this guy in spite of rocky forebearance and through it I dont see self-fluffery as an appealing attribute, people however, continue to thrive on self-image despite knowing that being vainsome is frowned upon. Then again there is a struggle, the media is constantly portraying beautiful people and those of which cannot live up to such standards are torn between shaky attempts at perfection and big headedness, because should an ugly person attain a small victory by lets say getting rid of an acne there is only so much that the victory could be celebrated - because honestly, who gives a fuck? some guy could have a pimple and still have excellent features while another (which consists of the majority of humanity) could have clear skin but lousy features. The reason is people correlate beauty with a small minority of idols. There is the ugly the average and the beautiful, and the way I believe people are starting to see things is either they are beautiful or ugly, and nowadays there are more and more delusional people who see themselves as gorgeous. There is no longer many in betweens because say for example, a person who truly believe that him or herself is not good looking, would not even bother to buy pricey garments or go for facials, surgery, etc. everyone is a little vain. But things are starting to get out of hand these days, people who think they are beautiful are entirely caught up with bradcasting to the world their "beauty" (in hopes of becoming a model??? get real ugly fucks) whereas the desperate who strive towards perfection are left to wallow in surpression and ultimately depression. I mean, though beauty draws the eye, would it not be more special if addressed through sincerity, rather than to fish for compliments through facebook? take a good look in the mirror, if you think you look good, then great, keep it to yourself, if you think you're ugly, it's because you think too much of yourself. Stay healthy, keep clean, the rest will follow. If not..... GO FUCK YOUSELF!!!! 

   Ok finally, a post that does not truly involve me. As I look through photos of unfortunate orphans I truly feel for them. What motivates them to smile? is it as genuine as it looks, i couldn't imagine living without parents and to be brought up not having the ability to love and be loved. there is love from the public and perhaps the caretakers but such affections can only go so far and because of the numbers any favoritism should not occur. how then will the child be raised, without experiencing the exhuberence of true love? as i retrace the emotions i felt as a child, even the littlest negligence from my parents would have brought me to tears, and to imagine these kids never knowing their true parents. how would it have been should - God forbid - i was to ever have been born without knowing my parents? if the human spirit is so adaptable, then these kids would have been raised to be rock solid emotionally. does this mean that this is also the source of all coldness in the world? what will become of them as adults? i have yet to meet people who've been brought up as orphans. i might have some of them as friends but i have yet to learn about it. is such a psychological blow adaptable? like the many questions in the world, will love save the day?

I have once read that creativity flourishes at a young age and then gradually decreases with time, on the contrary, there is no credibility to empower the wit and knowledge of the young. although a lot of kids have yet to understand things i feel like i have a firm enough grip on the decisions i make. it's not like all adults make the right decisions...
 as a person who is already aged at 20 i feel like the only one who believe in me is myself, i really do not believe in the whole knowledge comes with age thing, i may be a late bloomer but regardless, some of my point of views are bound to be reasonably valid. i read the papers this morning about how different people have different trains of thought and that the best way to handle these misunderstandings is to submit and avoid dispute, but there are so many things that should have not been allowed to slide, hell... take hitler and slavery for example. i'm so sick of being stepped on and having my ideas crushed, stereotypes and ideologies which i have thought to have gone out the window are still very apparent today, most certainly in the asian culture. i may have a lot to learn but why is there no room for new ideologies? i have been rather depressed lately, feeling the suppression of youthhood. it seems as if all i can do is toss cotton balls at this brickwall in front of me. my intention of proving myself has backfired, not because of what i cannot do but what i cannot afford to do, but if all i can offer is my hand and not my head, then isn't there no difference of what i do and what a child laborer does?